An Ephemeral Life
One year ago, I wrote about 5 Lessons I Learned When My Dad Was in the ICU. This is the essay I couldn’t write yet.
I sat there in a daze, empty and broken. It was the longest day of my life.
It was three in the afternoon, but we had yet to eat lunch. My husband and I had to finish processing the papers first before the hospital could discharge my dad. Although it took quite some time, it was uneventful and without any problems and we finally settled everything smoothly.
And there we were, inside a small food outlet at the mall, about to eat our lunch. As I looked back at the events that happened earlier, tears suddenly fell down like a waterfall. I had lost my dad that day, and that unfathomable sadness still looms over my heart until now.
Death. No matter how much you’ve prepared for it, you will never be ready when it happens.
It’s like a ticking time bomb that would go off any minute, a race against time filled with fear and desperation.
But as much as I fervently prayed for his recovery, it was hard to witness him struggle and suffer in pain while hoping for a miracle. Is this what it feels like to have a loved one suffer from a terminal illness?
Indeed, some things are beyond our control, and all we can do is have faith. Things happen for a reason, even though they could hurt so much and shatter your heart into pieces. Losing a loved one is something that you can’t undo.
Grief. I only really understood what it was once I experienced it first-hand. And now, I could feel what others have felt–that emptiness and longing that will never be filled again. It’s something that I’ll have to learn to live with for the rest of my life.
At this point, it dawned on me that life is ephemeral. And no matter how many detours we take, we’d still arrive at the same destination. But despite being aware of this fact, we were still given the chance to be blessed with this existence.
The memories we create, the people we inspire, the lives we touch and the dreams we fulfill make life more meaningful and memorable.
While it pains me that the next birthdays, anniversaries and other important occasions become less crowded, I’m still grateful to have grown up with a father who supported me in achieving my dreams.
I dedicate this thoughtful piece to all the loved ones who departed this year and those left behind.
